wow.. ok.. so it has been quite some time since my last update.. matter of fact.. it is summer vaca.! vacation not taken as a literal term considering i have yet to have a real vacation.. i mostly have been spending my time working! also the summer has been filled with realizations.. about other people but mostly myself... there are several factors about myself that i never realized and they surfaced rather recently.. i came to the conclusion that i have a difficult time being myself.. my real personality rarely prevails.. i also have bottled up alot of past/current issues that i shouldn't have because now it is coming to kick me in the ass.. i took all the dissapointment in stride and never let anyone know the real  pain it caused... this summer is the time when those that hurt me will find out about it.. and well.. they are going to have to change that because i refuse to deal with it anymore.. it is time for me to live my life to the fullest and not be burdened with the selfishness of others around me.. it is time for me to think of myself and do what is right for me.. granted i will always be the first to help someone else.. i always be the  person that will be there for a listening ear and advice when needed.. i dont think i would want to live my life any other way.. i just need to free myself of all the previous pain that i had and can't allow it to affect my future.. this all seems very strange to most of you i am sure.. it is just a random little splurge.. but for the ones that know me.. they know it deals with my family.. another aspect of my life that i kept inside was my Uncle's passing.. he was one of the greatest men in my life.. matter of fact he will always maintain that status.. he was always full of love and passion for life.. he once told my grandparents that he would adopt me if anything were to happent to them.. he was willing to take me in as his own.. that is a remarkable offer! I miss him alot.. but i never shared that with anyone.. i never shared how much his death affected me and how much turmoil it did cause me.. but i can't blame anyone but myself for that because i didnt open up to anyone.. which is a problem i believe will always be with me.. but anyway.. i am done with this lil blurge of stuff.. sorry to bore you.. but that is mainly what my summer is about.. besides having fun with my friends of course.. and working.. so leave me a message and let me know how you are!! hope your summer is going well!! off to bed i go!

Goodnight!    Goody!

ok.. so i have yet to update since mid summer.. and wow.. lots of things have happened.. first and fore most i am back at ESU!!! and so happy to be.. i hae never had sssooo much fun.. lots of props to my roomate D.. even though i ate cereal and never talked to her at first.. i am proud to say i am her roomate!! well.. all of my grades are superb if i might say myself.. no complaints there.. i am a tour guide and work at finishline.. so i am quite the busy bee but i wouldnt have it any other way.. hhmm.. what else.. oohhh right.. some how or another i ended becoming apart of Jersey.. yeh.. dont ask.. just kinda happened.. but alot of great people so far this year as well.. what else can i say.. there has been some downfalls.. but other wise.. it has been great!! not gonna complain..

one concern i do have is my grandparents.. i feel as though they are going through a really hard time.. and i worry that i am not there to make sure they are ok.. there is only so much i can do from here.. and i know that they want me to succeed.. so i am trying extra hard for them!! i just want them to stay strong and be ok because with out them.. i am afraid that there would be no me!!!

welp.. that is about all i have for now.. if i missed anyting leave me a message and i will update just for you..haha.. yeh right..jkjk.. peash out.. a town wwaaayyy down!!!

Have a great time.. live life and have fun.. GOODY